Sunday, July 26, 2015

"Thank you, Lord, for waking me up today."

I've seen several different posts passed around on Facebook over the last few months that mention something about being thankful that God let you wake up another day. It is a moving concept, and one I'm thankful so many of my friends find comfort and peace in.

However, being someone with a mental illness, I don't particularly find it comforting. I find it, in fact, rather bitter. And I'm sure I'm not the only one.

Let me begin by saying that I am NOT saying we shouldn't be thankful to wake up every morning! We most definitely should be. "This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it."

What I am saying is that, sometimes...that's really hard. There are mornings scattered across my life when I wake up and am pointedly ungrateful to see the light of another day; days I wake up wishing, hoping, and praying that someday soon I won't wake up.

It's dark. It's morbid. It's true -- and not just for me.

Life is hard, and sometimes we don't want to participate anymore. It's not necessarily that we want to die, though that can and sometimes is very much the case. Sometimes it's just a constant thought that life would be easier if we didn't have to live it. I know not everyone will understand that sentiment, but I hope to relay a message to those who do:

You are not bad for being unable to feel thankful to be alive.

You're not bad for having a difficult time finding meaning in your life.

You're not a bad Christian for asking Gpd to bring you home more often than you thank Him for your life on earth.

You're not a bad person for wanting to curl up in a ball and avoid anyone and everyone.

You're you, and you have feelings. And you, you-who-has-feelings, are so, so good.

See, whether we feel it or not, one thing that is constant in our lives is the deep and abiding love God has for each of us. And, rest assured, along with loving you, He likes you.

He made you and He claims you and even when everything feels off and miserable He wants you in His life. He died for us. That doesn't change because of our feelings, or lack of.

I'm not a psychologist and I'm not a self-help guru. I don't have all the answers, and for this topic, I very well may not have any answers.

But I did, really, want to put something out there for any of you struggling who see these posts on your social media profiles: You're not bad for not feeling it.

God doesn't condemn us for having feelings. God loves us in our feelings. God knows about our feelings, and He doesn't see any reason for you to be ashamed of them.

Be assured of my prayers.

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